Fujiko Nakaya clouds the Philosopher's Walk with Fog In Toronto (2006)

Another Nuit Blanche approaches. I can't help but eye the event with mixed feelings and trepidation. I haven't really enjoyed a Nuit since its first inaugural year due to terrible problems with public transportation and overcrowding. But on the flip side, at least one (maybe two) of my images from past Nuits will be on display in a 5th year retrospective exhibition at the Scotia Plaza.

Pharmacopia by General Idea (2006That's a reason to give it another chance, right? I'm finally, kinda, an official part of the show?

But before I gird myself with camera gear and go out to do battle with the crowds I must formulate a new tactic... a plan of attack. I do this every year, yet every year my plan is defeated. I've yet to complete a Nuit-- sundown to sun-up-- for all kinds of reasons.

Here's a quick recap of the past four years of Nuit Blanche's highlights and failures...

Year One: 2006. The evening starts with light rain that keeps the crowds at bay for the first few hours. We go out despite the weather and see plenty of transformed spaces, like the Crawford Pool (turned into an all-night pool party with live DJs) and Pharmacopeia, giant helium-filled pills floating above an atrium in Yorkville. The standout installation however is the Fog Walk by Fujiko Nakaya, tucked into the tiny ravine between the ROM and U of T. It's a fresh new event and the gloss is on every surface-- however it doesn't last long. There is a lot of trouble getting around, because planning for the first year barely included the TTC. After all but the Blue Night and Yonge Street vomit comet service ends, we end up walking everywhere. As a result we spend more of the evening discovering our nocturnal city than seeing art installations.

The Giant Locust at Lamport Stadium (2007).Year Two (2007): Some of the best art we've seen yet, but also the worst TTC experiences. We start at Yorkville and trawl across Bloor, then down through U of T, back to Yonge, down to King and out to Lamport, hitting Queen, Kensington market and Old Bay subway station on the way home. The highlights of the night are the giant inflatable locust set up smack dab in the middle of Lamport Stadium; the Event Horizon, an alien crash landing site at U of T; and a giant amoebic mass of balloons heaving on the floor of the Eaton's Centre. An unplanned element: Toronto artist fauxreel (Dan Bergeron) ups the humor ante with a billboard takeover.

Unfortunately our night was completely hobbled by the TTC, which ran out of daypasses the day before and didn't provide the advertised free shuttle buses between hubs. (If they did, we didn't see one at any of the three hubs or inbetween.) Not only that, there was nothing but endless sardine-packed streetcars on Queen and King streets, and no blue night service apparent on alternate parallel streets Dundas & College.

Adding insult to foot injuries, while on a packed King Street West streetcar, we had the worst driver ever. This asshole drove so badly-- throwing everyone down the car every ten or fifteen seconds-- that someone vomited on the floor from his aggressive braking. He then stopped and ordered everyone off, telling us to wait for the next car because he was taking the car out of commission for cleaning. Lame... very lame. As were we, because after all these debacles our only course of action was to walk from point to point. We covered about 16 kilometers from 7PM to 5AM, and while we were all capable of staying up til 7AM, after ten hours of walking Toronto's concrete our feet were done.

The mystery inside the tent at Event Horizon (2007).Year Three (2008): I begin to question why I keep coming back. The quality of many of the projects is sub-par and underwhelming, whereas the few interesting ones are becoming more and more difficult to see. Maybe it's my daily art exposure (much so-called art becomes vanilla once you spend some time etching people's flesh with needles) but it seems that while there are definetly still a few worthwhile installations and projects going every year, the true “wow” moments are becoming fewer and farther between.

The only exception to the general ennui this year is Project Blinkenlights, which knocks it out of the park. (Public interactivity on a massive scale: that's how it is done!) The difficulty of dealing with overcrowding and inadequate transportation elsewhere overwhelms the rest of the potential enjoyment, however... and then there were the pointless drunks, vandals and art thieves. Oh and the TTC. The biggest letdown for the third year running. What’s the point of organizing all of these great events and drawing thousands out for the sake of art if the public can’t actually get to the venues to see things? 

Project Blinkenlights' Stereoscope lights up the city hall buildings at Nathan Philips Square with an assortment of interactive entertainment... Pong, Space Invaders, even a bit of Rickrolling.Year Four (2009): After the difficulties of getting to the outskirts on public transportation in 2007 and 2008, we decide to start the night at the furthest points and work our way back inwards. We TTC out to Liberty Village/King West before sundown and start the Nuit as the Dance of the Cranes commences... then quickly realize that while the concept sounds grand, the actual execution of two cranes swinging back and forth for twenty minutes could be exciting only to a crane operator. (The location is questionable; one crane is behind the building and half out of sight. They're not even in synch as advertised.)

It's a lovely night though, and there are more quality projects around, like the Apology Project and a massive airplane projected onto the ceiling of a 24 hour grocery store, scaring unwary shoppers. While Liberty Village on the whole is good, more of the cool stuff eludes us. The line up to sneak under Norico Sunayama's giant red dress is an estimated hour and forty minutes wait. Back in the downtown core, the line ups to get onto the stage at Massey Hall to see a reverse performance, or into the old bus depot to see a cage match are even longer.

Granted, organizers have responded to past year's complaints about the scattering of projects by concentrating more in the downtown core. But the resulting crowds are the worst they've ever been. At one AM, the impromptu two-ride carnival running on Bay street is so packed that we can hardly get through it. So we got our wish, but now we have to question: is keeping the concentration of projects in the downtown core really be a good thing? Would scattering them along subway points not work better? Or is it just gonna be a big crowded hell-line clusterfsck no matter how it's done?

We loiter in the aisles of a supermarket, awaiting the Invasion. When the jet noise rises and shadows loom the reactions of unwary shoppers are priceless.

Which leads us to 2010, and a big row of questionmarks.

Five years in and every plan of attack I've ever had has failed, but I'm not ready to give up yet. Previous years I have responded to these shortcomings by altering our modus operandi annually. (For example: after not being able to get to see the most distant installations due to inadequate TTC service during the first three years, we begin the night in outlying areas and work our way back.) This year’s plan starts the same as ever: I'll review the listings well beforehand, then pick out the best looking or most interesting installations or performances— the ones I want to see the most. Preferably something out of the way, because abovementioned rare opportunity spots (like Lower Bay Subway Station) have in the past formed pre-Nuit line ups around the block. I'll hit such destinations last, very early in the morning when the crowds have gone home. If I make it that late. (Note to self: mainline espresso.)

Stop the ride, I wanna get off.

Some of the things I have learned in the past four years:

Lesson One. The TTC will consistently fail in one or more important ways to deliver the transportation infrastructure it promises. For example:

-Day passes will be sold out at all locations by the day of Nuit Blanche. (Years 1 & 2.) If you plan to travel with a day pass buy it earlier in the week and keep it unscratched until you need it. Likewise get your tokens or tickets early.

-Not enough buses, streetcars or subway trains will run, or will not run late enough to be of use. (All past years had issues: inadequate service, infrequent and brutally overcrowded streetcars, short nights, etc.)

The TTC has taken steps to remedy this after the first few years of disaster. Subway service is now much better, however the incredible volume of traffic on the core east-west streets served by streetcars (King and Queen especially) during the peak hours of Nuit Blanche pretty much guarantees that the only reliable method of getting to distant areas quickly will be a bicycle. If you are able to get around by bicycle, please do. Just remember your helmet, lights, and bike lock. Guaranteed you will need these.

Two. Like Doors Open Toronto, Nuit Blanche annually offers the chance to get into a few interesting buildings or places which are normally closed to the public. (For example: Old Bay Subway station, Maple Leaf Gardens, or onstage at Massey Hall.) These places will always have very long line ups. The rarer the entry opportunities, the bigger the line. These and the other giant line ups which can form at the most remarkable or popular projects will kill your night and sap your spirit… unless you go out at around 3 or 4 AM, when the crowds are dropping off.

Three. Three AM is in fact the perfect time to start your night if you have a low tolerance for crowds. Usually by around three o'clock the people with "normal" schedules have passed out... and by around four, most of the nuisance drunks have passed out. (As the hour gets later, the public inebriation level climbs. Sadly it seems that Toronto does not need much of an excuse to get wasted and party in public. So watch out for bottles underfoot and drunken d-bags who do anything but up the art lover quotient.)

Four. Line hell is inevitable during the peak hours of 7pm-3am in all but remote event areas. The worst line ups invariably occur around the downtown core areas, where streets with one or more projects can be flooded with people.

Five: Some of the best creators, performances and spontaneous acts of art are not on the planner-- so don't be surprised if you encounter events or people that are off the map along the way. Toronto has more than its share of renegade artists, musicians, and performers who take Nuit Blanche as an opportunity to go art postal and show their stuff. A lot of communities go straight to off-the-corporate-res stuff to show Toronto their art chops or celebrate. Search the web for peripheral events... or just jump these links, post-haste: The Renegade Parade and Les Rues Des Refuses.

Six: Be aware of the major street party zones.... and don't try to drive anywhere near them. Queen West is pretty much guaranteed to be one big long traffic jam. At peak times, traffic diverts to East-West majors King, Adelaide and Richmond and chokes them off too. Yonge Street likewise will be turned into an impromptu pedestrian mall for the night. And any street that is closed with multiple projects in the area will be block party central until at least 3 or 4 am.

Seven: You must choose wisely, because seeing everything is frankly impossible. If you have limited time and/or no background in the appreciation of art, or perhaps have not been to a Nuit Blanche before and have no idea what to check out, there are a few types of projects that it might be better not waste your time on... Unless of course you have a background that makes you well suited to appreciate them... such as a degree in experimental noise or documentary video.

Bad use of space: Without Persons (2008), aka "Two synthetic voices conversing through ultrasonically agitated milk where hockey used to be." Maple Leaf Gardens was reopened for this?-Sound installations. Sonic art seems frequently too subtle or sophisticated for most people (myself included). Unless you’re into insect noise or atmospheric droning, which can be hard to hear over the din of fellow art lovers anyways.

-Storytelling. Great for kids; rarely suffices to entertain modern adults. Nuit Blanche needs to stow the hand puppets and cut-outs and aim higher.

-Video installations. Four years of these inclusions had shown us that pretty much anything that consists of videos or loops projected onto a screen is going to be a time waster. Sorry, new media artists, but I can watch random noise, landscape pans, churning dairy products or any other form of navel contemplation on a big screen at home. Newbie art lovers are better off picking something big and showy instead.

 In short: if you don’t have much time or experience with this sort of thing, go for the projects that offer spectacle.

Eight: The projects with the most confusing and stilted descriptions (typically copypasted from the grant proposal, or just vaguely undefined creative word juggling) will nine times out of ten be complete crap. The remaining one tenth will be surprisingly brilliant, and probably crowd-free— but also have little or no apparent relevance to their description in the program book, almost as if the creator changed ideas mid-stream...

Good rubbery fun: Balloonscape by Anna Madelska. Photo by Spott the Loonie.Nine: Travel in small groups. Making plans to meet up with large groups of people is a sure way to kill your Nuit with waiting around when there's a lot to see and do. Having to marshall and direct larger groups through the chaos is just a pain. Only small groups have the speed and flexibility to survive the crowding.

Ten: Bring some travelling entertainment or art items of your own to get into the spirit of things. We usually take light toys or wear something crazy, but anything goes, really. I've seen neon fauxhawks, twelve foot high puppets, couples dressed as cows riding bicycles, giant gowns, even troupes of medieval mummers running around.

The following items are even more essential to surviving the evening’s jaunt:

-Comfortable shoes. Wear the most comfortable pair of walking shoes you own. Seriously-- I can't stress this enough. (On average we have walked 10-15 kilometers a night during each of the last four Nuit Blanches. It's like an all-night endurance test.)

-Water in a refillable bottle. (Also, coffee.)

-Some form of portable food such as sandwiches or power bars. (As important as coffee if you really want to stay up all night. Food resets your body clock, so the best time to stop for a meal is when you're closest to faceplanting the sidewalk.)

-A travel umbrella or pocket poncho if the weather is in doubt. Two out of the last four years we had some rain. (Also, layers.)

Eleven: Formulate your plan of attack in advance. Look through the online program guide and figure out what you most want to see and where it is. Keep in mind that at 7PM, the really impressive or big exhibits will still be getting set up and the line-ups will already be a block deep. Anytime after 4AM is the best for downtown core cruising, but exhibits in further-out places are often shutting down around this time due to fatigue or lack of attendance.

Figure out the timing. Print out the map. Connect the dots. Plan how you're gonna get there and home again: is there somewhere good on either side of Yonge Street to park the car? Find your bus tokens. Figure out where the 24 hour restaurants are. (Trust me on this. A Fran's breakfast at 4am is gawd.) Charge your camera batteries. Wear two pairs of socks. Throw some apples in a bag... Or, just throw it all to the winds and say f*k it and freestyle. Why not? Chaos is gonna happen anyways.

Twelve... posted mostly for me: don't have high expectations. That saves the disappointment factor later on. Because even if I want Toronto's Nuit Blanche to be like Burning Man, the ultimate in participatory public art spectacle-- I should know by now that it's not gonna happen. Too bad for TO.

Thirteen: despite it all, there will be magic. It might escape to corners and pockets and courtyards and transient moments fleeing in the night... but dammit, there will be magic. The trick lies in finding it.

Heather Nicol's Imminent Departures at Union Station (2009)A few final words.

Every newspaper and blog has posted a list of their "must sees" and "best bets", culled from this year's program. I'll keep my list even shorter, because my opinion after reviewing the full program is mostly unprintable.

1. Later That Night at the Drive-in, because anything to do with Daniel Lanois has the potential to be magic. Here's why: he's a secret creative powerhouse with an inexplicable magnetism that's hard to describe to anyone not familiar with his music. Even if you don't know who he is, there's a very good chance that a track which he produced or collaborated on is sitting in your iPod or backbrain right now. And he's working with dub. I want to see that slow sublime power rolled out over a crowd of thousands during a twelve hour set. It could be legendary.

2. Aurora. Art meets cutting edge biochemistry? About damn time.

3. Flux and Fire, in the Lamport Stadium parking lot. Because more than anything else, Nuit Blanche needs more Burning Man flavor.

4. Interactive Landscape Dune, a light installation in Old Bay Subway station. Although I've been down there before, I think the space was not used to best advantage in 2007. I'd like to see what they do this time around. (This will be a line-up hot spot though.)

5. The Semaphore Project on Keating Channel and nearby Benecorpo settlement at the Distillery: because you can't go wrong with wandering into any post-apocalyptic industrial wasteland scenario at the dizzy hour of 5AM.

 Hey Nuit Blanche! You just lost...Postscript: In the past I've offended some goofy little fingerpainters with my comments about the watery wank they've passed off as art. Anybody who actually knows the field should know how subjective that particular definition is... but hey, if you're not sure what passes for art (or art criticism) these days, please consult Regretsy. Because I'm no judge of art. What do I know? I've only been producing it in every medium I can get my hands on all of my life. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

...Not.

Maria Legault's Apology Project, the 2009 People's Choice award winner for Best Exhibition. Both deeply remorseful and a lot of fun.