This year, Toronto's newest mayor chose to break the longstanding precedent set by former mayors Lastman and Miller and take a pass on participating in the annual Pride Parade and mayoral wet t-shirt contest.

The reasons given stressed his sense of tradition and family values. Not too surprisingly, this was interpreted as a snub by many for a variety of reasons. From a glad-handing point of view it was a major political error.

For the sake of enlightenment, let's discuss what happens if you're the mayor and you do go to Pride. It's simple, really.

You get wet.

If you're smart, like Lastman was, you ride on top of a firetruck with a supersoaker of your own and unlimited supply of liquid ammo. You hose right back and have a good time with the people who did or didn't elect you. Or you hold fast to dignity and march with your councillors, a charity organization, or local community group. Be a good sport. You know, Coach Ford... sportsmanship?

Previous years, Pride has yielded a number of close encounters of the mayoral kind.

I've been supersoakered by Mel Lastman. (Caught in a crossfire.)

I've high fived a soaking wet David Miller. (Accidentally. Didn't see him coming.)

I didn't vote for either of these gentlemen, and can't say I particularly liked either of their politics... but by participating in Toronto's biggest festival-- one that encompasses everyone, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, orientation or culture-- they gained points in my books.

Imagine, Rob Ford, if you had showed up with your whole family instead, or at least any other family members who were willing. Let's imagine for a moment if you and said family members arranged to march with, oh, say... the PFLAG group. PFLAG already gets the love for showing their support to the community. With your powers combined, you would have earned a standing ovation and at least an iota of respect from every person present.

I didn't vote for you... but if I saw you in the parade I would goddamn well clap, cheer, take a photo, and then show it to the world to prove that our city's mayor is an example of Toronto's vaunted tolerance.

I've been going to Toronto Pride for seventeen years now. I'm not sure you've ever been, so I guess you'll have to take my word for it. And hopefully man up, make inquiries and see what you can do to show your face in a positive way next year.

Or else it'll be shown for you.

Case in point.

Ironically, by not attending the parade, Rob Ford became its unofficial mascot... or asscot, in a couple cases.Fords were everywhere, orgasmically supersoakering the crowds, throwing favors from floats and generally having a good time.

I need some eye arrows up in here.More photos from Pride 2011 can be found in this set on flickr.